Aeroplane Etiquette 101 – Don’t be THAT person


We all suffer annoyances and nuances when we fly. Unfortunately no-one is the perfect ‘sit next to’ partner but below are those people you dread sharing a common space with.

1. The Late Comer
There is a reason why you are advised to be at the airport three hours before an international flight and an hour before domestic. It is so you are on time! There is nothing worse than being the person who holds up the plane. The death stares people give you as you board the plane, not to mention the snarls and bitter comments of snappy, impatient travellers as you hurriedly bump past everyone to your seat. There is no excuse for being late to board tour flight. Just be more organised!

2. The Arm-rest Hogger
Everyone has access to two arm rests when flying. They are there to share – not hog. Jostling with your seated neighbour or sharply jutting your elbows into someone to stake claim is not acceptable.

3. The Seat Kicker and TV Puncher
Most travellers have experienced this painful process. The constant bashing of your seat, feet and knees digging into your back and repetitive harsh tapping on the screen behind your head simply because the touch screen isn’t responding. Take a chill pill and calm down. If you’re too big for your economy class seat, pay extra for an exit row. Most airlines offer it these days. You’ll be much more comfortable and won’t create plane enemies.

4. The Chatterbox
Quite often when you board a plane, you just want to switch off, kick back and relax. The constant nattering in your ear from a complete stranger can be frustratingly annoying. Be respectful of your fellow passengers. Not everyone is interested in hearing about the first time you flew back in 1967 or guessing what might be on the inflight menu for lunch today.

5. The Weak Bladder in the Window Seat
This one is annoying. Especially on a long haul flight. If you have a mini bladder, be smart about it and book an aisle seat. There is nothing more annoying than being asked to move every five minutes so someone else can go to the bathroom, or even worse, if it is an evening flight, waking to find someone straddling you or waking you up repeatedly every time they need to get up.

6. The Picker and Flicker 
Now this is just plain gross. We all know that when you fly you dry out. Your skin may flake and you have a greater thirst due to the dry air conditioning. This also causes a build-up of dry boogers in your nasal cavity. If they are causing you discomfort, use a tissue or go to the bathroom. PLEASE don’t pick and flick! You would be surprised how many people do this with no shame. Gross!

7. The BO Bandit
Possibly the worst in this list. Being stuck next to someone who smells like decaying garbage is not cool. Unfortunately I have experienced this misfortune on several occasions especially in foreign countries. You know you are going to be sitting in one sit for a long time before you board a plane. Surely common sense prevails to shower before you fly and ensure you are adequately deodorised. Make sure you also always wear a fresh shirt, pants and socks when flying. No-one appreciates bad body odour.

8. The Window Opener on a Night Flight
Luckily now the crew on board planes are fairly proactive in getting people to close their window shades when it’s lights out time on a flight. Unfortunately there are still those who feel the need to open windows and blind everyone in a dark cabin because they want to see if it’s light outside yet. There is always a small little window in the emergency exit door near the toilets. If you are desperate to see outside, look through here, that way you won’t wake up and annoy your fellow travellers.

9. The Non-Flushers
Again gross! We all know that quite often airline food does not agree with a lot of people’s stomachs. It’s quite often heavily processed and sometimes just plain terrible. If you suffer ‘stomach issues’ from plane food and do use the aircrafts facilities, please don’t be a douche and leave your filth for other people to deal with. Be a doll and clean up after yourself. It’s just common courtesy.

10. The Loud Talker
Some people feel the need to speak louder than the planes engine and think that by shouting this will make them clearer to understand. Totally unnecessary, super annoying and just disrespectful to your fellow travellers. We don’t all want to hear about little Tommy’s toilet training progress or how good the guy was you dragged back from a local pub.

I went to social media the other day when I expressed my annoyance of delayed flights and late comers and asked what you thought  was unacceptable on planes. Here are a few that come through:

1. Turn the Damn Light Off
The person who falls asleep in a dark cabin but leaves their reading light on to illuminate all who surrounds them. I still don’t get how someone can somehow sleep through a blaring light and be totally oblivious to it.

2. The Overhead Hogger
How some people manage to get five oversized bags through as hand luggage is beyond me. Some airlines are so strict with this, but others are super lax. There is more than enough overhead compartment space for those who respect the two piece policy, but those hoggers who take up metres of space – you think you’re smug now, but just you wait for the day when you have to check it all in and get charged for excess luggage….

3. The Seat Puller 
Pulling back on someones seat to lever yourself upright is not only rude, annoying and unnecessary, it’s just plain lazy. Push down on your arm rests instead to get to your feet if you really need that much assistance.

4. The Aisle Dawdlers and Ponderers 
When a plane lands and has arrived at the gate, that ping that says its fine to release your seat belt buckles also apparently means ‘everyone get up at once and stand awkwardly super squashed in an aisle for 10 mins while we wait for the doors to open.’ Do not stand and loiter in the aisle if you are not ready to get off or require assistance to lift down your over weight seven bags that are in the overhead compartment. Take a seat and be patient and let others off first while you get yourself organised.